I'm not a local

Cruise was fun. Of the three cabins, we charged the least onto our onboard account. Kelli and I spent roughly $600 for onboard charges. Jami (sister in law) and Kelly (Jami's girlfriend) spent roughly 1/3 more while Peggy and John....well I will say John charged a good amount.

This time we sailed on the Norwegian Dawn. The boarding process was fast. We arrived at 1:20PM at the pier and were on board within 10 minutes. Most of that time was walking.

The rooms were larger than the Norwegian Sky. The bathroom was much larger. Having a window in the room was nice....we didn't look out of it much though.

The Dawn is much larger than the Sky. One thing was odd. We could feel the ship counteracting the waves while on the Dawn. There are water jets on each side of the boat that are controlled by a computer to attempt to quell the normal rowing of the boat. It did a good job, but we could feel the jets shooting out. It wasn't rough....didn't make anyone in our party sick....but we could feel the jets. We didn't feel anything while on the Sky.

Some time this week I might put up a full review. I'm still pretty tired. I think Kelli and I had so much energy on the cruise because we were eating all the time. There is a food available (free of course) 24 hours a day while on a cruise. The food was very good for the most part. The scrambled eggs were always too runny and the biscuits and gravy were cooked up by someone who has never been to Texas.

The stops in Grand Cayman and Cozumel were too short too see much beyond the shopping areas. I would like to fly back to Cozumel one day and see more. Apparently I look Hispanic as several vendors and residents of Cozumel would approach me speaking Spanish. "But Darren they probably only know Spanish!" No.....because many times I would be walking behind a Caucasian and the vendor would greet them in English...then I would approach....out came the Spanish. I was even sitting in a courtyard in Cozumel when I was approached by 3 people trying to invite me to a local church gathering that night. When I spoke English one of them spoke in perfect English, "Sorry we thought you were a local." Hmmm yeah. Guess I should brush up on my Spanish.

Kelli didn't get sick much on the cruise. Just queasy. Once she got back that....upchuck city. Odd.

Getting back from Miami was a little tricky. The direct flights showed to be full all Saturday when we looked Friday night. Peggy and John were flying thru Dallas onan 8AM flight then connecting to a Portland flight. Kelli and I decided to simply go through Houston on the way back. The flights were less than 1/4th full. Of course the next morning we saw that the first Miami to Dallas flight went out with 20 non-revs AND empty seats. This is common as people change their minds on getting up super early for a flight. Oh well. Our one stop flight home thru Houston went fine.

My netbook did fine for the cruise. Didn't miss the Macbook Pro.....much.

I don't think I want an I-Pad....no flash.

I want a new slot machine....Super Stars Spin. I had a blast playing it while on the cruise.

Photos of the cruise posted sometime this week.

How to get through TSA checkpoints quickly

Airport security. The Transportation Security Administration. There are a ton of jokes I could spout off about the TSA. But I will refrain. Instead I will tell you how I breeze thru security at airports around the country. From the time I first grab a bin to the time I am walking to the gate is normally under 45 seconds if no one is in front of me.

I start thinking about security before I even walk into the terminal. Before I even head for the airport.

Unless I am in Uniform, I typically dress in business casual clothing. The belt I wear is nice, while having a minimal amount of metal. By having so little metal, my belts (all two of them) never cause the metal detector to go off. Keeping my belt on saves me a good 18 seconds. I prefer to wear slip on shoes. Easy on....easy off. Again business causal. Wearing loose clothing also helps on board comfort.

Once I walk into the airport I step to the side and give myself a once over.

I examine myself for any metal on my body I don't need. Sunglasses get stashed in my jacket or carry on. Wallet goes in my carry on bag or jacket. I have an advantage over most being I wear an airline ID that trumps any state issued ID. For those without an airline ID, take out your ID and place it and your boarding pass in a pocket. Ladies place them in the outermost pocket of your purse if you have no pockets. This is the only thing that should be in your pockets.

Those who know me know I like gadgets. I travel with a T-Mobile G1, Zune HD, some form of laptop (HP Netbook or Apple Macbook Pro), headphones, associated charging cables and always a digital camera.

Cell phone, camera, Zune HD are all in my carry on along with ANY other metal objects. By placing them in a carry on it eliminates the risk of leaving them behind at security OR worse (and more common than you think) someone walking off with them.

I make sure the laptop is easily accessible. I don't carry a TSA approved laptop bag that allows me to leave the computer in the bag while being Xrayed mostly because I don't want to spend the cash. Instead I have neopreene sleeves for my bags. My liquids are in a quart size bag in the outermost pocket of my carry on bag.

Since I don't carry a true laptop bag I stash all the computer cables in my carry on bag/suitcase.

Once I am sure I am free of metal, time to clear the TSA.

After the TSA examines your ID, slip it into your jacket or into your carry on. People leave behind/drop ID's everyday. Now the only thing you have to hold onto is your boarding pass.

I grab two bins. One for the laptop, one for my jacket and shoes and liquids. I am very picky about the order of things going through the Xray.

First goes my carry on bag. Next up is the bin with my jacket and shoes. Jacket on bottom, shoes with the soles facing up (as to keep my jacket clean) next and liquids on the side. Last is the bin with my laptop. This way I can keep an eye on my laptop. If you have anything of value I advise you do the same and send it through last. If you send valuables thru first and the line gets held up, your valuables are now sitting 20+ feet away and could easily walk off. Again it happens everyday.

Once I walk thru the scanner I grab my carry on bag and set it up right. Next up is my jacket which I put on and then slip on my shoes. I slip the liquids back into the front pocket of my carry on. By the time I am done the laptop should be arriving. Since I carry it in a neoprene bag it stayed inside the entire time. I grab the laptop bag and away I go.

Once I am clear of the area I pull over and dig out my cell phone, wallet and Zune. Good to go.

Below are some of the common mistakes I see:

1.Parents. Get rid of stuff in your kids hands and pockets. I have seen one set of amazing parents go through with kids who couldn't have been more than 4 years old.  Each had on a small backpack. The kids were each playing with a Nintendo DS while waiting in line. Once it was almost their turn the parents warned the kids to pause the games. They did and put the games in their backpacks. Their shoes then came off. The whole family breezed thru. Once clear the kids were back playing games. Quick and easy.

2.Go through your bag while packing and make SURE there are no liquids. Seriously...go through your bag. Even that little lotion bottle. Tip for avoiding paying $4 for a bottle of water, buy a nice reusable bottle...fill it once you go through security.

3.Finish texting/talking on the cell phone/whatever before you enter line. Your life can wait for a few minutes

4. If your laptop isn't in an approved TSA bag OR in a neoprene bag all by itself...it must be taken out and put in a bin by itself. Same goes for portable DVD players. Kindle owners I would send it through like a laptop. My wife has had her backpack rescreened each time her Kindle is packed inside.

5. If you are on any liquid medication it is EXEMPT from the 3 ounce rule as long as it's in it original container with the pharmacy label on it. If you have something else....make sure you have documentation.

Getting thru the TSA checkpoints isn't rocket science. It's all about planning. The trickiest part is picking which lane to go through if there are multiple lanes. In general I profile. I avoid old people, kids and young adults. So basically I follow guys in business suits. They are likely frequent travellers and can zip through. I am also not shy about walking around slow folks who clog up the area around the bins.

Facebook kills blogs

So last week Kelli and I announced the infestation of the energy sucker at the same time. We assumed all of our friends saw the post. Nope. Quite a few of mine missed it. One friend.....who formally read THIS blog often....missed it. She found out last night when I made a post about Kelli, pregnancy and chocolate. She sent me a message stating that since I have been on Facebook....she doesn't read my blogs. Sad. I will admit for a while I got off blogging as I just posted on Facebook. Now I make an effort to update this blog and Facebook daily.

While sitting at the airport yesterday with a pilot friend of mine, he clued me in to a great idea. When the energy sucker arrives I will be eligible for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). My friend just had his first kid. He said someone told him to break up the FMLA days off and use them over holidays. I have 12 months to use it. I won't get paid for the time off....but it could be nice to be home for the energy suckers first Christmas that it will never remember. And it's first birthday that it will never remember. And it's first hangover that it will never remember. Don't judge!

My shipment from 6DollarShirts.com arrived yesterday. I will be sporting my threads during the cruise.

Thought of a funny joke only I would laugh at....well maybe others will. So the energy sucker will be a little more than 1/2 Caucasian and a little less than 1/2 black/african american/negro (forgot to check with Al Sharpton for the term of the week). Anyway eventually the energy sucker will meet more people from Kelli's side of the family....specifically her mom's side of the family. When this happens Kelli and I will take our mixed race baby to seen the Koons. Just sounds funny.

Me: "Hey we are going to take our energy sucker to Oregon and see some Koons." I crack myself up.

Oh it's funny because my mother in laws maiden name is Koons. And well...they are all Caucasian.

Contact Lens Exams.....a scam brought on by the Obama Administration

Tried to get my annual eye exam yesterday. After arriving and filling out the paperwork the secretary called to verify our insurance. Denied until 2/1/2010. Apparently my last exam was 2/4/2009 and I am only being given a 3 day grace period. Boo. I have just enough contacts to get by. I am planning on getting a cheap pair of glasses as I hate wasting contacts on days where I just sit at home.

Getting an exam every year is a waste of money for average wearers....once every two years would make more sense. I have no problem getting an eye exam yearly, but to spiff over the extra money for a "contact lens exam"...scam.

Kelli hasn't been blogging about the energy sucker this week so I will do a quick wrap up here. The energy sucker has introduced his buddy morning sickness. Morning sickness at first only had his friend dry heaves but this morning the whole shabang arrived. Additionally Kelli's already spotty short term memory is getting a little worse. Me...well I'm not infested with anything but sarcasm.

I love Need For Speed Shift.

This cruise will be the longest I will be unplugged from the Internet since I was 11 years old. Yeah 22 years. I am sure I will break down and check in at some point. I did find an Internet Cafe in Nassau last year.

I work today and tomorrow...then off till February.

Another Non-Rev Adventure Down

So far I am 3 for 3 for shipping arranging my friends around the country. First was Kerry and her boykid to Portland. Then Katrina down to Houston. Most recently Eric, Angela and Marin to Chicago and back.

The two families with kids did something Kelli and I have never done while non-reving...they checked bags. Kelli and I travel light. For now. With offspring...guess it's not really possible. One great thing is when traveling on my passes...no baggage fees! Eric checked two bags there and three back. The baggage fees alone would have been $100 ($20 for the first bag per person....$30 for the second but since 3 people were traveling it's one $20 charge per person). I haven't heard any complaints so I assume they all got their bags.

The flights were decently open. The flight back from Chicago was a little full....but they got on....even had seats together.

Kelli and I have often seen where non-rev guest don't get on flights and get stuck in remote places. It really sucks as non-rev guest get on after all paying passengers, then all employees and their families. It can be tricky. There is a new tool though that allows me to see the planned non-revs and if they are employees or guests. Helps a little. What helps a lot with my friends is, so far, they have all started and ended their trip in Dallas, which is a hub.

Gotta get my eyes checked today. Almost out of contacts. I'm going to pickup a cheap pair of glasses as well. Makes no sense to waste a pair of contacts on days where I sit at home all day. Can't see TV without them.

This summer will mark 8 years that Kelli has adored me.

Because I can

Friday I am taking a day trip to Detroit for the 2010 North American International Auto Show. It sucks that it's in Detroit....it's really cold there. I went last year and enjoyed it.

Saturday is where the real fun begins. I have two plans.

Plan A: Fly to Houston George Bush airport at 7AM, rent a car, see my dad, fix his computer, eat lunch and then fly from Houston George Bush to Miami at 6PM arriving at 9:30PM.

Plan B: Fly to Houston Hobby Airport at 7:25AM, rent a car, see my dad, fix his computer, eat lunch then fly from Houston Hobby back to DFW to connect on the flight my mother and law and father in law (and probably Kelli) will be traveling on and go to Miami.

Which plan I pick largely depends on flight loads.

My Macbook Pro battery is down to almost 1/2 it's original capacity. This is my second Macbook Pro battery in less than two years. Not happy. I stay plugged in most of the time anyway. When I travel as a passenger I typically bring my netbook anyway. Still annoying.

Added another name for the creature growing inside of Kelli. It's on Byrdintheoven.com

Eric, Angela and Marin had no problems getting to Chicago....on Saturday. One funny thing was the seating assignments by the gate agent.

They were traveling on a MD80 which has 2 seats on one side and three on the other. Well the gate agent assigned Eric and Angela seats on the two side and Marin an isle seat on the other side. Would be kinda funny to see Marin just chilling in her aisle seat and get all fussy when someone next to her needs to get up for the restroom "What you can't go in your pants like me? Do your parents not love you?" Ha. I crack myself up.

Kelli's depth perception sucks. She's been parking the same car in the same garage on the same side of the garage for more than 4 years...almost 5. She still can't stop in close to the same spot. I don't get it. Her car isn't that long. Note to self, get a really big stroller with bumpers and a proximity sensor.

Speaking of strollers. A very nice Captain I fly with gave us a Peg-Preggo car seat that is practically brand new. This is a very fancy (and expensive listing for $275 at Amazon.com) seat. Apparently it's part of a modular system. I've flown with this Captain a few times and told him all about Kelli and I. About a year ago Kelli was flying back from Amarillo and this Captain was flying the flight. When he heard she was on board he called her up to the cockpit and of course asked how someone so intelligent could be married to me (in a joking way). I asked myself the same thing and am thankful each time the garage door opens meaning I still live here.

The Captain gave it to me as I was sitting in the airport on standby. Thankfully Kelli was driving home at the same time as I was not looking forward to taking the baby seat on the bus. I did get a few looks as I emerged from a stairwell into the terminal in uniform carrying a baby seat. Eh.

Things I've Learned From Women Who Have Dumped Me.....

It's no secret I love technology. Yesterday while sitting in the bowels of the airport, I gave part two of a technology consultation with a Captain (part one was the day prior). He was (like most American) paying $70+ a month for phone and Internet plus another $120+ for television. Kelli and I pay $120 a month for all three. The biggest chunk of change will be saved by switching to Ooma for phone service. Ooma pays for itself in a few short months. I bet my mother in law could save a ton of money by switching to Ooma. Same phone number....same dial tone....no bill.

Found out we aren't the only one's who are going to dive into poop and throw up this year. A fraternity brother of mine is going to have twins in August/July. Additionally another couple we know is set up to have a kid. The connection is all three of us had troubles getting a bun in the oven. Ironically we will pull the loafs out around the same time frame.

I love my man cave. A place where Kelli doesn't complain about the disorganization. I  do need to straighten things up a bit in here though.

The flight for Eric, Angela and Marin tonight isn't looking so great. Tomorrow morning looks much better. I'm going to keep an eye on today's flight just in case.

Right now I'm reading (listening from Audible really) Things I've Learned From Women Who Have Dumped Me . The book is very funny and is told by several different men (so far.....might be a woman reader maybe?). One of the funniest sections was a father gushing about his new born daughter then going crazy as she seemed to love (and not throw up on) everyone but him. The book is under $10 on Amazon. If you have a MP3 player or want to burn CD's you can get the book free by following this link to Audible. Audible books aren't normal audio books. The readers are all very engaging. I really enjoy it.

Time for coffee....lots of it.